Pop Culture

Nobody knows what rubbish we'll see

Screenwriter William Goldman said of Hollywood: "Nobody knows anything." Still, among the many movie projects currently in the pipeline, are some that suggest that Hollywood decision-makers are not just courageous, but truly deranged. If they didn't have powerful people behind them, how could anyone take the following ideas seriously...

HULK 2

The Hulk was a box-office disappointment last year, as action-lovers -- hoping to see another Marvel Comics super-hero flick, a la Spider-Man or X-Men -- saw an Ang Lee psychological drama, and admirers of the director, hoping to catch something profound, had to wade through countless scenes with an unconvincing, computer-generated monster. In the end, nobody was pleased. The mix worked well in the comics, but that's a different medium. Jennifer Garner has made it clear that she doesn't wish to return, and Eric Bana is trying to avoid the subject. For some reason, Universal still plans a sequel.

            BUT COULD IT WORK ANYWAY? Marvel insiders say that the sequel will be lighter than the original -- and the movie Hulk looked so ridiculous that they really have no choice. Hopefully, like other movie super-heroes, the Hulk will fight some of his super-villains from the comics. But after the first one, will anyone want to see Hulk 2?

SERENITY

Someone at Universal is obviously asleep. Not only is the studio planning a Hulk 2, but it recently greenlit Serenity, a feature film based on the failed TV space-opera Firefly, which lasted only 11 episodes before it was cancelled. Not only that, but they're allowing the show's creator, Joss Whedon, to direct his first feature. Nobody wanted to see this on TV, but they're hoping that people will PAY to watch it.

            BUT COULD IT WORK ANYWAY? Whedon is a talented guy, whose more successful TV series, Buffy and Angel, gave him a cult following. If his fans go to see it, the Firefly movie could repeat the fortunes of Battlestar Galactica. After its failure as a TV series, Galactica was repackaged as a movie, which was ultimately popular enough to revive the TV show. Ironic, huh?

CHARLIE'S ANGELS 3: THE PREQUEL

If you believe People magazine in the U.S., this could be the dumbest idea in Hollywood right now. Due partly to its huge promotional budget, the first Charlie's Angels movie only broke even at the box office. Still, it was popular enough for a sequel, Full Throttle. In this one, Demi Moore played Madison Lee, a former Angel who had turned evil.

            Moore is known for her inflated ego and, in recent years, a string of box-office flops. Though not as popular as the original, Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle was her biggest vehicle in years. Now, according to People, she wants to buy the rights to Charlie's Angels from the current producer, Drew Barrymore -- and Barrymore is willing to sell.

            Moore's alleged plan is to make a prequel, featuring Madison before she went bad. The current Angels (played by Barrymore, Cameron Diaz and Lucy Liu) will have nothing to do with it.

            One question: "What???!!!" With due respect, Demi, not many people saw Full Throttle to watch YOU. Besides, why would we care about what happened to Madison, when we know she's fated to turn bad? If this Charlie's Angels prequel goes ahead, I foresee a disaster of Showgirls proportions.

            BUT COULD IT POSSIBLY WORK? It would take a REAL miracle, but it's not impossible. Firstly, Moore's teammates could be played by actors with box-office clout (say, Sandra Bullock and Beyonce Knowles, if they're silly enough to do it). Also, it might seem strange to barrack for the future villain, but audiences still cheered for Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars II, and even the young, not-yet-evil genius Lex Luthor in the TV series Smallville.

            As William Goldman said, "Nobody knows anything."